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howioperate

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17 WEEKS?!!? WTF [10 Dec 2009|11:19pm]
I haven't posted in 17 weeks? So funny. So terrible. Maybe I'll just delete this?

1. Write a will. (right after I finish that essay)

2. Crochet an Afghan of Love. (I've started some squares...)

3. Take a picture of every bath I take (and exceptional showers), and post them to a bathing blog. (stopped taking pictures a couple of weeks ago. and the posting - ugh - new plans for next year)

4. Meditate once a week. (I sit at my desk and every day I stare for 2 minutes at nothing)

5. Keep a receipt for everything I buy, and organize them. (been keeping most of them... they are stuffed in a drawer. i'll make an afternoon of it. right after i finish that essay)

6. Stick to a LUSH budget. (what? I don't even remember this one. i did accomplish my "No-buy November:)

7. Watch 100 films that I've never seen before. (probably seen 50, couldn't name half of them)

8. Get a massage once a month. (this is one goal i'm certainly poised to accomplish)

9. Make a 4-6 minute comedy film. DONE

10. Be doing Yoga/exercises every morning by October. (I do yoga every Sunday?)
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Mid Year Resolution Modification [08 Aug 2009|10:29am]
[ mood | determined ]

1. Write a will. [Hope I don't die soon]

2. Crochet an Afghan of Love. [...fuck]

3. Take a picture of every bath I take (and exceptional showers), and post them to a bathing blog. [I'll get around to posting at some point]

4. Meditate once a week. [ha!]

5. Keep a receipt for everything I buy, and organize them. [thay are 100% totally up-to-date and organized - now that I know how much I've spent buying lunches, I don't do it anymore]

6. Stick to a LUSH budget. [it should be noted that I spent not one penny in July]

7. Watch 100 films that I've never seen before. [been really into sponataneous late night Science Fiction recently; Logan's Run and THX1138 were indeed bitchin'; I've watched like 20 movies, but can only remeber 10]

8. Get a massage once a month. [lately twice]

9. Make a 4-6 minute comedy film. DONE - and there's been a great response!

10. Be doing Yoga/exercises every morning by October. [There's no way a yoga class can fit into my schedule in the fall - plus I did 'none strenuous' poses, and it still killed my hips]

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August 8th and 9th [08 Aug 2009|10:23am]
[ mood | complacent ]

Saturday:
-pot plants
-clean (done)
-email Norris's and Reiner
-call Sarah and Sara (called a Sara, but neither of the intedned Sara(h)'s)
-hand washing
-long hot bath
-watch 2 movies
-laundry?

Sunday:
-yoga/exercises (daoe previous day's massage count?)
-event blasts
-make copies of GSLD
-medical claim (cannot find dentist receipt... this will make it difficult)
-watch 2 moives
-sign up on Plenty of Fish (or at least contemplate it, before I dismiss it)
-grocery shop

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taking stock [30 May 2009|08:58am]
1. Write a will. I will complete this in two weeks.

2. Crochet an Afghan of Love. not on my radar.

3. Take a picture of every bath I take (and exceptional showers), and post them to a bathing blog. part of this should be actually POSTING them

4. Meditate once a week. indeed

5. Keep a receipt for everything I buy, and organize them. been keeping them, but they're in a plastic produce bag.

6. Stick to a LUSH budget. been doping well, but have started in on bath budget

7. Watch 100 films that I've never seen before. two down, 98 to go

8. Get a massage once a month. been doing amazing with this one

9. Make a 4-6 minute comedy film. DONE

10. Join a yoga class in September. strides? what strides
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I really need: [01 Mar 2009|01:51pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

-to take more baths
-bath towels and tea towels
-a new black skirt, something that hugs my hips and enhances my uterus
-no frills, 100% cotton, FotL or HHH underwear
-pajama Sunday every week
-to, instead of asking if something will hurt me, ask how it will help me
-glasses in my correct prescription
-a hug from someone who's always loved me and always will
-to watch every movie Marty ever made, ASAP.
-flirt regardless of what the outcome may be
-an Elton John CD from his outrageous spectacles period
-try on that dress at Club Monaco, even if it doesn't fit & I can't afford it
-grow herbs on my ample windowsills

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sigh [09 Feb 2009|08:37pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I hate having crushes on people.
Crushes suck.

Worse is being really interested in someone,
and hoping it'll work out.

Ugh. I think I might indeed be a romantic.
Fucking Librian bullshit side of me.

things to do when crushing:
1. occupy self with stuff, anything.
2. actually flirt with person, because the poker face is better than anyone knows.
3. eat despite constant feeling of nausea.
4. rotate friends one gushes to.
5. avoid lying down and just staring at the ceiling at all costs. this only leads to delusions of marriage and children. and where the hell did that come from? fucking clock ticking uterus.
6. call psychologist to discuss commitment issues and horrible feelings of vulnerability.
7. try not to think about how hot their accent is and what it might sound like saying naughty things to you.

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[08 Feb 2009|10:55pm]
[ mood | determined ]

1. Write a will. haven't even thought about it

2. Crochet an Afghan of Love. the old one is still intact. must start unraveling whilst watching Six Feet Under - such a good show, don't know what it took me so long...

3. Take a picture of every bath I take (and exceptional showers), and post them to a bathing blog. so far, so good

4. Meditate once a week. this is one of those goals where I hope to be there by the end of the year...

5. Keep a receipt for everything I buy, and organize them. been keeping them, but they're in a plastic produce bag

6. Stick to a LUSH budget. if I made it one month, stands to reason that I can make it another

7. Watch 100 films that I've never seen before. one down, 99 to go

8. Get a massage once a month. got one last month, have an appointment made for this month

9. Make a 4-6 minute comedy film. two thirds of the way there

10. Join a yoga class in September. if eating ice cream before falling into bed naked because I'm too tired to put PJ's on counts as working out and eating properly to ensure a return to yoga, I'm on it

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Jan 19 to do list, Jan 20-21st to do list [18 Jan 2009|11:45pm]
[ mood | worried ]

Jan 19:
after Office/School/Lush, finish rough draft of script.

Jan 20-21:
Write 'surprise' second language evaluation test.
Update Bathing/Film journals.
On the 21st call the Norrises.
Steam.
Watch The Hustler.
Make To Do List for Jan 22-25.

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To Do List Jan 15-18 - Final report [18 Jan 2009|11:41pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

In no particular order, but * indicates a 'must-do':

HALF*Update the movies I've seen on my movie blog. *updated Dark Knight*
ONE QUARTER*Write the script for my comedy film and email it to 3 peeps and the proff. *at least I started, will finish tomorrow*
*Update my bathing journal.
-Flirt intentionally with at least 5 people. *but I did wear a sweater dress*
-Stretch and excercies at least once.
DONE*Laundry. For the love of god.DONE (and for the love of clean clothes)
DONE*Make meatballs (the meat is already thawing).DONE (and they were good)
DONE-Bake a crisp. An apple crisp. *also ate half of crisp*
-Install remaining hooks in doorway.
-Install reading light near bath tub.
*Call the Norrises.
*Steam.
HALF Take a 2 hour bath. *took a one hour bath... too relaxing, affected rest of day*
DONECall someone I haven't spoken to in over a week (everyone but Meg and Leenie)DONE (called Sarah S. who I haven't spoken to in MONTHS)
*Watch 'The Hustler' followed by 'The Color of Money'.

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To Do List Jan 15-18 - Progress Report [16 Jan 2009|11:26pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

In no particular order, but * indicates a 'must-do':

*Update the movies I've seen on my movie blog. (gonna do it right now)
*Write the script for my comedy film and email it to 3 peeps and the proff.
*Update my bathing journal.
-Flirt intentionally with at least 5 people.
-Stretch and excercies at least once.
DONE*Laundry. For the love of god.DONE (and for the love of clean clothes)
DONE*Make meatballs (the meat is already thawing).DONE (and they were good)
-Bake a crisp. An apple crisp.
-Install remaining hooks in doorway.
-Install reading light near bath tub.
*Call the Norrises.
*Steam.
-Take a 2 hour bath.
DONECall someone I haven't spoken to in over a week (everyone but Meg and Leenie)DONE (called Sarah S. who I haven't spoken to in MONTHS)
*Watch 'The Hustler' followed by 'The Color of Money'.

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To do list: Jan 15-18 [14 Jan 2009|08:44pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

In no particular order, but * indicates a 'must-do':

*Update the movies I've seen on my movie blog.
*Write the script for my comedy film and email it to 3 peeps and the proff.
*Update my bathing journal.
-Flirt intentionally with at least 5 people.
-Stretch and excercies at least once.
*Laundry. For the love of god.
*Make meatballs (the meat is already thawing).
-Bake a crisp. An apple crisp.
-Install remaining hooks in doorway.
-Install reading light near bath tub.
*Call the Norrises.
*Steam.
-Take a 2 hour bath.
-Call someone I haven't spoken to in over a week (everyone but Meg and Leenie)
*Watch 'The Hustler' followed by 'The Color of Money'.

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New Year's 2009 [01 Jan 2009|11:42am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

As in previous years, some goals to work towards:

1. Write a will.
Kathleen has been on my case to get this done for YEARS. It would also be a load off my mind. I'm happy to say I've already lined up my executor.

2. Crochet an Afghan of Love.
I've have more than enough yarn for more than enough time. It's a metaphor; as I realize the metaphor, I hope what it represents is realized as well.

3. Take a picture of every bath I take (and exceptional showers), and post them to a bathing blog.
Very excited about this goal! It's a great goal for me on several levels including creativity, relaxation, intellect, and even finances.

4. Meditate once a week.
This will likely be the most difficult goal as I have the most resistance to it. I'm not 'shoulding' myself here, it just that much of me recognizes the importance and benefit of this will have, while a small part clings to some long held and outdated ideas of control. Coaxing the small, but highly influential, part away form Degrassi:TNG on Sunday mornings may prove difficult.

5. Keep a receipt for everything I buy, and organize them.
I've supposedly been doing this since the spring, but I miss some here and there which defeats the purpose. The financial planner I saw indicated that when I'm buying "stuff", I'm actually making a choice: "stuff" vs financial security/school/goals. I'm interested to see just what I'm choosing. Indeed.

6. Stick to a LUSH budget. My budget increases by 5 dollars in each category for every month that I do not purchase. When I purchase, the budget is over and I have to wait until December 1, 2009 to make any more purchases in that category. The budget rule becomes null and void if I run out of product (HA!). Base budgets are as follows:
Bath products(bubble bars, bombs, and melts): $30
Soaps(includes regular soaps & buttercreams): $15
Shower Gels(includes shower jellies, excludes scrubs and smoothies): $10
Massage Bars (excludes Wiccy and After 8:30 as they are therapeutic): $5


7. Watch 100 films that I've never seen before.
After much internal debate, Ive decided NOT to count TV series. This will be a challenge, and my even merritt its own blog: Red Carpet, Red Schmarpit.

8. Get a massage once a month.
After the massage i got a couple of days ago, this is just necessary. I'm one tense mofo.

9. Make a 4-6 minute comedy film.
If I don't make this a goal, I'll probably drop the class. Someone left some of kind of religious/Jesus card in LUSH yesterday; it basically said, don't worry if you don't have all the tools to make it to your destination, that's what the journey is for. I'll thank the universe in general, not necessarily just Jesus, and say "message received".

10. Join a yoga class in September.
This is perhaps the most loaded of all my goals; it requires me to be in shape in order to get to yoga; I have to work on certain muscle groups and make sure they're strong, get my body active, and make sure I'm eating properly (nothing like some twists to let you know how your stomach feels about you), have $ for it, and make time in schedule. I've given the most time to prepare for this one.

My fav part of New Year's day is that it all just seems so compeltely possible. Everything does.

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[26 Dec 2008|10:33am]
I think it's safe to say they were either achieved or not achieved. They were good goals, but some of them were clearly me 'shoulding' myself, which was a 2007 goal (to stop shoulding myself). I believe I counted myself as having achieved effective December 30th of 2007. Hmpf. Always a work in progress. So how did 2008 measure up?


1. Get healthy: resolve tummy issues, exercise, sleep enough, eat well, drink water. -So there are 5 points in one goal, amazing. And 'resolve' tummy issues can't even be done without a science degree and some federal funding, clearly a shoulding here, and that's probably why it didn't get done. FAILED

2. Meditate once a month. -Does napping on the bus count? I actually forgot about this goal entirely, so much so that a variation made it onto my 2009 list. FAILED

3. Stop spending money I don't have; realize I'm not wealthy; realize I have no money. - I have realized that I'm not wealthy, and realized that I have no money, but that hasn't stopped me from spending it. FAILED

4. Move out of The Westmoreland - PASSED. With flying colours if I may say so.

5. Read one book a month. -This goal depends on other factors, like time and making space in my schedule to do it... Or does it? There are many pockets of the day that I could whip out a book if I wanted to. Another case of shoulding, if I really wanted to read more books, I would go ahead and read them. FAILED

6. Watch more movies: rent/borrow 2 per week and see 1 per month in theatres and discuss them on LJ. Well I certainly delved into some TV series (Weeds, Nip/Tuck, Madmen, The Office) and caught a ton of movies on TV. I feel this goal was too broad though. Neither a pass nor a fail really... INCOMPLETE.

7. Be in school full time by the fall. PASSED! Talk about making something happen no matter what. I'm facing some big fears/anxieties. Proud of myself for this one! Go me!

8. Enter the novel contest fully prepared to write. -I hate to put a fail on this one as I really feel I did some good work in my screen writing class. Another case of shoulding myself though and for that reason: FAILED.

9. Shoot one roll of film every two weeks. REVISED(Sept 2008): This is expensive and does not go well with goal #3. Save enough money for waterproof digital camera to begin LJ bathing journal in January 2009. -Really an inspired revision on my part. It makes it difficult/impossible when goals conflict. Plus I don't always have time or energy to shoot a roll every week(or any week). I had Shoppers points and extra cash from working my ASS off. I deserved this big time. PASSED!

10. Don't turn on the TV unless I have a pre-planned show. This is totally unrealistic for me; I accept my TV addiction; I live alone, have for a while, and I like the company of Brett Michaels drooling over women like a 14 year old boy, that and So you think you can dance? REVISED(Sept 2008): be doing something productive whilst watching bad TV - crochet, beading, budgeting, receipt totaling, week planning, nails, whatever.
-After September, I don't really remember having time to watch TV. I have, however, developed the need to be doing something while watching TV; whether that stems from this goal (which I had indeed forgotten, but perhaps it had just become so absorbed into my life that it became normal) or being so busy I've had no choice, who's to say?: PASSED!

Results:
1 incomplete
5 fails
4 passes

An improvement over last if I'm not mistaken...
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[21 Dec 2008|12:12am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

so tired. can't sleep... but so tired. ugh...

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[09 Dec 2008|11:17pm]
Repeatedly the image I collected, looking out the Greyhound bus window at the way the snow sprawled along the infinite needles of pines and spruces high up on mountain passes on my way from Vancouver to Nelson, is drifting in my mind. Along with it comes a deeply felt sensation; I can only describe it as knowing that where you are is congruent with where you're supposed to be, combined with a desperation that arises from not knowing how to return, if ever. And how do I get more of that sensation? It happens on the city bus sometimes on the way home from either job when I see my ghostly transparent reflection in the dark window, or from class when I look at the branches on the trees and their edges seem precise and intentional.
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priorites: sorting one out [14 Sep 2008|02:56pm]
What I want:
-A better body
-A digital camera to take into the bath
-A degree
-A lot of sex
-A new job
-A better self image
-A clean financial slate
-A parent
-A new computer
-A new body of creative work

Where to start?
-A better body
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How I'm going to survive the next four months [02 Sep 2008|12:10pm]
[ mood | determined ]

1. Do the dishes every night.

2. Tidy for 10 minutes - no more, no less - everyday.

3. Have 1 hour of PRE-SCHEDULED self care every week in my day planner. (Nails, hair, steam, mask etc).

4. Make appointment television. When the show is over turn the TV off.

5. Have a girls' night on the third Wednesday of every month.

6. On the first Wednesday of the month, take all laundry to a laundromat.

7. Use Freshbox Wednesdays to clean apartment, do extraneous laundry and prepare food for freezer. Possibly chat with Leenie. Leave a voicemail for Sara.

8. TV off at 11. Lights out by midnight. I'm 27 and I have a bedtime.

9. Do my prescribed stretches and exercises on 2 weekdays, and 1 weekend day.

10. Don't stress out about the office; IT DOESN'T MATTER AND THEY CAN'T EVEN FIRE YOU FOR BEING TERRIBLE AT YOUR JOB, HUZZA! BE LIKE ALL THE OTHER PERMS WHO DON'T CARE AND FIND ANOTHER WAY TO VALIDATE YOURSELF!

11. I never work Sunday morning. Every Sunday morning laze in bed a bit, climb out, yawn and stretch and meditate with a stone for 10 minutes. Start that crystal journal!

12. Don't forget my lovely friends!
a) Call SH to go for a walk at least once a month.
b) Call DR to go grocery shopping at least once a month (and to Goodies!).
c) See a movie with MB once a month.
d) Stop into see CS once a month.
e) Meet MS for lunch once a month.
f)Get drunk off my ass in a pub/bar/kitchen once a month with whoever also needs to get drunk off their ass.

13. Remember that's it just for the next few months. Breathe.

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2008 Resolutions [02 Sep 2008|11:52am]
2 Checks
1 Fail
4 In progress
1 Revised
2 totally ignored

Still lots of opportunity for success!

1. Get healthy: resolve tummy issues, exercise, sleep enough, eat well, drink water. ugh totally forgot about this... See 'how to stay sane for the next 4 months'

2. Meditate once a month. um... working on it?
do people who meditate lie about it? again, see 'how to stay sane for the next 4 months'

3. Stop spending money I don't have; realize I'm not wealthy; realize I have no money. - IN PROGRESS - Seen financial planner twice; mindset slowly shifting (must end over-the-top ordering of sushi and thai food as well as impulse grocery shopping).

4. Move out of The Westmoreland - CHECK.

5. Read one book a month. - Thank god for Christopher Pike. IN PROGRESS.

6. Watch more movies: rent/borrow 2 per week and see 1 per month in theatres and discuss them on LJ. IN PROGRESS: Have been renting lots of quality television, and have managed to watch more movies... ie FINALLY watched Miller's Crossing. Failed to discuss on LJ.

7. Be in school full time by the fall. CHECK; I'm registered and raring to go.

8. Enter the novel contest fully prepared to write. FAIL; though tattoo impeded writing, I didn't live up to my writing goal this year at all.

9. Shoot one roll of film every two weeks. REVISED: This is expensive and does not go well with goal #3. Save enough money for waterproof digital camera to begin LJ bathing journal in January 2009.

10. Don't turn on the TV unless I have a pre-planned show. This is totally unrealistic for me; I accept my TV addiction; I live alone, have fo a while, and I like the company of Brett Michaels drooling over women like a 14 year old boy, that and So you think you can dance? *Revised goal: be doing something productive whilst watching bad TV - crochet, beading, budgeting, receipt totaling, week planning, nails, whatever. - IN PROGRESS. Have done A LOT more crocheting, and do cleaning/dishes on commercial breaks... Big Brother 3 times a week kills me...
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[07 Jul 2008|11:35pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Last Friday, post panic attack, I correctly identified a prevelant emotion: vulnerable. I feel vulnerable. Vulrnerability is mine. Sigh.

I'm so excited to see such a safe person for me. I think I may cry just when we hug. There are precious few people I trust so implicitly. There are some people we always trust and love, and understand no matter the time since we've spoken, or the distance between us, or the changes within us.

These are the same people who see right through us, who know there is more to it than just what we've said, who love anyway. We are naked in front of them always.

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[01 Jul 2008|10:37pm]
it's like watching a tornado funnel down from the sky,
hoping for distance from grave danger; perhaps
it's a dry gin martini methodically stirred into tight swirl
that I can't wait to touch to my thirsty lips.
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